I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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