You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
