the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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