you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
