How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
