Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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