I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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