Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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