I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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