It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize