The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
