Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
