i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
