Just fell off a train. Bad.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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