Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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