I want to stick my p in your. b.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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