She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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