The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
