when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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