Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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