That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
