Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
