Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
