3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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