Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
