Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize