I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
