He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
