he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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