Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
