areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize