sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
a search helicopter?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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