apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
