was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
