i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I CAN MOONWALK!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
