i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize