I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
