This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
