I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
