3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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