Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
