I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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