Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
