i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
