So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize