Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
