please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
