Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
