are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
