Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
