tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
