I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
