Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
