i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
