I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
He has to be employed and covid free. Thatโs my standard. I canโt be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
