Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
