New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
