Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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