We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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