I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
