ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
