the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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