billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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