; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
