corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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