my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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