wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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