we're blogging at a bar
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
