honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
vagina is talking i cant
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
