I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
