Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
