The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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