Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
