You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
