I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
